Love Never Leaves Us

Last evening, there was a sudden thunderstorm in Rourkela, unexpected windy rain, yes, a heavy shower, and, caught unawares, while I stood drenched under a bus shelter in Sector-17, I remembered this story I had written some time back. So here it is, Dear Reader – do tell me if you liked it.

The monsoon has finally arrived in Rourkela. It is the first day of the monsoon, but it’s been raining incessantly all morning.

Ideally, at 10 o’clock in the morning on a normal day, I should have been safely ensconced in my home, but today I sit in the driving seat of my car, slowly negotiating my way in the torrential rain, for I have an important appointment to keep.

Suddenly I see Riya, half drenched, shivering under the bus-stop at Sector-17 Chowk, trying to protect herself from the pouring rain.

She sees me too. Our eyes meet. I don’t know who is more surprised at this unexpected encounter – she or me.

At first instinct, I just feel like ignoring her and driving away.

But then my humanitarian side takes over, so I stop the car near her, lean across, open the door and beckon her to get inside.

She seems hesitant, “Thanks, but I’ll take an auto – I am going to near ADM Office…”

“Come on Riya, get in fast or you’ll get wet – you won’t get a rickshaw in this rain – I too am going towards RTO Office – I’ll drop you on the way.”

She gets in and for a while we drive in silence.

“It’s been five years,” she says.

“Yes,” I say, “Quite a surprise, seeing you here in Pune…”

“Yes. I just came in from Bhubaneswar by the Safari bus, got down at Sector 17 Chowk… and you…what are you doing in Rourkela?”

“I relocated here six months ago…you still in Bhubaneswar...?”

“Yes. But maybe I’ll come back…”

“Homesick...? Or the job is not so satisfactory…?”

“Not really…”

“So you’ve come to look for a job in Rourkela…?”

“It’s actually something else…a family matter…”

“Family matter…? In Bhubaneswar…?”

“My wife is from Bhubaneswar…”

“Wife…? You remarried…?

“Yes…two years ago…”

“And I didn’t even know…!”

“We decided…didn’t we…to move on…go off on our different ways…not look back…”

“Yes…we lost track of each other completely…”

“That was good…isn’t it…for both of us…”

“Yes…”

“And you…? You married again…?”

“Yes…soon after you left for Bhubaneswar after our divorce…”

“On the rebound…?”

“Maybe…” I laugh.

Riya has not changed…the way she says these devastatingly rude things in such a naïve innocent way.

We are nearing the Hanuman Vatika circle so I ask, “Where is your husband’s house...? I’ll take the road accordingly…”

“It’s okay…just drop me wherever you can…”

“Come on…tell me…see how much it is raining…you want me to take STI chowk…or drive straight ahead…to Municipal College Road…or Power House Road…?”

“It’s okay…you go wherever you want to go in near ADM Office…I’ll get off there…”

“Oh…so you don’t want to show me your husband’s house…” I say, tongue in cheek.

“No…No…it’s not that…I am going somewhere else…to the Family Court…”

“To the Family Court…? I ask, taken aback.

“Yes,” she says, “it’s beyond ADM Office…”

“I know where the family court is…” I say, “I hope you are not…”

“Yes…first it was the Family Court in Bhubaneswar with you…and now…” she stops, as tears well up in his eyes.

“I too am going to the Family Court…” I say, sensing a lump in my throat.

“What…?” she looks at me, startled.

“I am divorcing my wife…today is the final hearing…hopefully…”

I slow down, stop the car near the pavement past RTO Office. I wipe my eyes with tissue and hold the tissue box towards Riya. She too wipes her eyes.

“Maybe we should have stayed together, tried to make our marriage work,” I say.

“Yes…it all happened so fast …maybe we were too hasty, too impatient, too headstrong…”

“Yes…we could have tried to make it work…”

“I think we sought the easy way out. We were too young and unrealistic, immature…impetuous…volatile…”

“Yes… ours was a tempestuous stormy relationship…a terrible marriage…but there is one thing…”

“What…?”

“With you I could be myself…no mask, no pretence, no forced geniality…”

“Me too…with you I could truly be myself…no contrived feelings, no holding back…I could never be like that with anyone else…with her too…the way could naturally be with you…you know I think we were made for each other…”

“Maybe we should give it a try…one more time…make things work…”

“You’re serious…?” she asks with a curious look in his eyes.

“Yes, Riya. Let’s empty our cups and start afresh. Like you said, I too think we are made for each other.”

“Okay, but there is one thing…”

“What…?”

“Is it allowed to marry the same person twice…?

“I think so...I’ll ask my divorce lawyer…she will know…”

“Yes…I’ll confirm at the Family Court too…”

“One more thing…”

“Now what…?”

“This time…No Expectations, No Disappointments, Happy Marriage…”

“Yes,” I say lovingly putting my hand on her: “No Expectations…No Disappointments…Happy Marriage…”

Suddenly I notice that it has stopped raining and the sun is peeping through the clouds.

I feel good.

I start the car and we drive on towards the Family Court…to erase the second chapter of our marital lives forever and to begin rewriting the unfinished inchoate first chapter our relationship afresh.

Maybe we can have a Monsoon Wedding. Even after facing the worst phase of my life..now I can say that “Love Never Leaves Us”.. 

A Walk To Remember

I woke up to a new sunrise and as I promised myself I would get back and bounce back to a more normal me all smiles and positivity around . So let me first say thank you to a friend for jump starting my day with a pleasant conversation, something that lightened my heart a bit … am grateful for that. Because of you I am enjoying a bit of the sunshine , the afternoon showers, the birds chirping and the flowers around. Not to mention the juicy mangoes that seem to be all over the city. Thank you for taking time out to talk . It does make a difference to me.(Guddy…this one is for U only)…
 Okie as for my wandering mind…. it wanders about … sometimes high sometimes low and today I just decided to write a few things I believe in .Its being written to remind myself how I can dig myself out of the pit of gloom I have fallen into. You can add yours as comments. Would be fun to read it. I BELIEVE

 1) In God- The one supreme force who knows best I have a strong belief in prayers and things I have no control over, just leave it to god.

 2) In Myself- I have complete control over just one thing in life, That is Me . So I take charge of myself, my faiths, beliefs, emotions, actions and reactions and since I am the only one responsible for Me I believe in Me n who I am and what makes me Me

 3) In Love- Love is the universal truth… and truth always prevails. It is the only emotion that creates and does not destroy… it gives strength and for more on Love. I think I have archived it somewhere on the blog. For without love the world is a dreary/weary lifeless place to live in.

 4) In the Laws of attraction- your attitude is what attracts things to you . If you want somethings in life a positive attitude goes a long way in achieving it provided it is coupled with hardwork.

 5) In good upbringing of children…Time spent on properly instilling good values and thoughts in children can pave way to changed future and can rid humanity of hatred that we see around for in children we have the whole coming generations.

 6) In honesty… I have never been a big fan of lying and truth and honesty are virtues I value a lot. when one has clean and pure intentions , life goes the way they want it to.

 7) In small gestures leading to larger happiness….. I believe it doesnt take too much from a person to show small acts of kindness or show small gestures of love n care but in return can make a world of a difference to the person at the recieving end. It takes very little to make one happy. So one can make such a difference if each one did some act of kindness towards a fellow being.

 8) That what you give is what you get…the more you give , the more you get, be in anything, love, material things, money, kindness … anything. It always comes back tenfolds.

 9) In Life and its experiences being one big lifetime learning process. Each phase being a lesson to learn from and move on …

 10) That not everybody in this world will like you. If they do good… if they dont too bad they missed out on a good human being (provided you are a good person like me ) So go on and let me read on what you people believe in I am writing this blog on a different topic..

My PaPa was fed up reading all my stuff which has criticized..remarked and discussed the feelings about “LoVe”…and I swear..writing something on a different topic rather than LOVE…was a cumbersome task for me…After watching the PPT presentation..which U had mailed me…I thought of writing something related to that..  This is for U PaPa…something out of the box…still I have added something about “LoVe”… :D :D

           Aapki Nazron Ne Samjha Pyaar Ke Kaabil Humein...          

"Rain Rain, Don't Go Away..."

(A great experience on a beautiful rainy day).


It was five in the evening and the one kilometer walk to the chai shop was turning out to be really pleasant. It was then Amit felt the fat drops of water fall from the sky like marbles being dropped from atop a building. He looked up, squinting his eyes and had to bring his head down the next instant. He started heading to a temporary shelter nearby, but stopped.

"Hey, let me enjoy this."

He loved the rain. It had been a long time since he got drenched. The last time was when I remember returning home from school. He'd dance and jump with glee, splash through the small puddles in the road. He was probably was the only little Johnny who wished the rain won't go away.

Now he stood on the pavement, as amused onlookers in cars and rushing bikers looked at him. He smiled back and then turned his face to the heavens, enjoying the shower, spreading his hands, trying to soak it all in. He smiled. Because he'd always wished he met the girl of his dreams on a rainy day like this. He looked up, reminding God about this small favor.

*******

He reached ITER Chowk and got down from the auto to pay, when the girl came running from nowhere, almost colliding with him.

"Auto bhaina? Master Canteen?"

She held the sides and looked at the auto guy and then at Amit impatiently.

"Excuse me, may I...?" He pointed at his open wallet, eyebrows raised.

She rolled her eyes and stepped aside. Some cheek, Amit thought.

He walked across to the ITER Chowk, and started walking towards the college , already planning for the day ahead, going over his Assignment one more time. Goodness... the Assignment File. He'd forgotten his backpack in the autorickshaw. He ran back out, almost running over a short, stocky old man. He muttered an apology and tore past to the main road.

"Shit, I didn't even note the number of the auto." And why would he, the auto guy hadn't knocked him down. Well, the girl had, almost. He held his head, thinking fast.

Please, not on a Monday.

A hand tapped his shoulder. Vicky.

"What's up, Amit?"

"Arre, I left my bag in the auto yaar. Stupid girl, rushed him off."

"Anything important in it? I notice you normally have only your CD/DVD’s and novel in that. And why an auto today?Didnt U get a city bus today?"

"That's a long story. Now how do I locate this guy? I had my Assignment File in it. I don't even have the time to rush back hostel to make another copy. The Owl's gonna kill me." Owl was short for our Business Communication Lecturer Mr.S.K.Mishra.

It was as good as gone, they both decided. His bag... and his Sending Marks..

******

Later that evening, he sat at his computer, browsing through his facebook account and blogger account. He looked out the window. Dark clouds had loomed up again.He thought of some Ekta kapoor’s daily soaps where the actress would say..”Ye aane wali toofan k sanket hain”..and he smiled... His cell rang.

"Hello?" It was an unsaved number.

"Uhh..am I speaking to Amit?"

"Yeah? Who's this?"

"I'm Neha. Did you lose a bag this morning, or someone you know who lost a bag?"

He sat up. Great. Ms. Rush Hour.

"Yeah, it is mine. If only you'd been a little patient this morning, I won't have left it in the auto."

He waited for a reaction. None. Maybe he should've toned down a bit. He didn't care.

"Anyway, where can I come get it?" He wondered how she got his number.

"Uh, do you know this Cafe Coffee Day outlet in Master Canteen?"

******

He arrived five minutes late. There was no sign of her. She'd insisted on telling him what she'd wear etc, but he had waved it aside. "I'll carry a Black Bag. And I'll recognize you" was all he said, hoping she'd remember him too.

He paced outside impatiently for a while. And then he saw his bag. Inside the cafe. She was sitting beside it. Ah! She must've walked in from the other street. He pushed the door and walked in.

He approached her and stopped in his tracks. Hey, it wasn't her.

She stood up. "Amit?"

"Yeah."

"Neha."

They shook hands awkwardly and sat facing each other. He smiled sheepishly. Who the hell was this girl. And now he bit his tongue for having said all that to her on the phone.

"You know, I thought..."

She smiled. "Yeah, that was Asha, my younger sister. She didn't trust the rick guy and brought your bag home instead. I saw your file labeled 'Business Communication Assignment-II'. So I thought maybe it was important."

"Yeah, it is..but...thanks." He smiled. How did she get his number?

She read his mind. "Your College I-Card was in the bag."

He wondered when he'd slipped his college I-Card inside the bag. Anyway...

******

They walked out an hour later, laughing and chatting like old friends.

"Can I drop you home, Neha?" He knew now that she didn't stay very far away. It was the least he could do for the trouble she took.

“I don’t think U have come here in a bike”..

“I can reserve an Auto..the same Auto from which all these things started..”

"No, it's ok... I'll walk."

He looked up.

"It might rain any moment now, are you sure?"

"Precisely. I love getting wet in the rain." She smiled, looking up longingly.

"Hey, me too," he said

"Really?"

"Ummmhm"

"Nice"

"Ok, then let me walk you home?"

She continued smiling, puckering up her nose...unsure. "Ummm..."

"Come on," his eyes pleaded.

She smiled. "Ok."

And then it poured. They started walking slowly, oblivious to everything else.                    

Amit looked up and smiled. "Thanks," he mouthed silently.

Dil sambhal ja zara..phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu..

You Are Beautiful

I don’t know why I think of you so much even now when you have gone so far away, when fate had decided long back that we wouldn’t be together. I remember you with every song that I hear, every breath I take and every sight I see – I still think that it would have been so lovely if you had been by my side. I whisper your name every other instant, with no particular purpose; it escapes me unconsciously just like the breath I take. I write blogs thinking of you. I even dance with you in the realms of my imagination. I still think of that. I think of your smile, your assuring voice, your gentle gaze and feel the warmth of your grasp as vividly as I had felt it the last time you ever held my hand. I still love you for the fact that you loved me beyond my famed eccentricities.

                                   

I am lost in the past. Do you even have a clue? The world would surely see me as a lunatic – a love-lost-lunatic steeped in a past that has withered away to obscurity - if not for the effectiveness with which I cloak this supposed insanity with my role as a writer. What do they know? I live on clutching the bag of priceless memories. 

I try to imagine how you would look now. But my imagination fails me miserably. My imagination, it appears, only aids the birth of the written word but not the sight of your face. It’s only memory that roars like a ferocious lion, sending imagination whimpering into a corner. Try how much ever, I see your face every time the way I saw it last.

Let me tell you about the biggest paradox of my life. The last time I saw you – it’s been so long; so long that a child practising counting with fingers would grow tired of counting. 13/09/2009..it was my birthday – that was all you were when you left me. Two years– that was all the time we had lived for as soul mates. And then, you just left – left me as simply as a tender dew that slips off a blade of grass just as it is meant to do in the large framework of destiny. Well, the paradox is that my dear, with every passing minute, the years have counted up, but you have only grown closer to me and have come so close that my words fail to describe. 

The truth is perhaps that you have dissolved within me as pure, unadulterated thoughts.

 And for no strange reason, I want to title this untitled piece 'You are Beautiful'---->(James Blunt).

 I don’t know what happened between us..I don’t know why all this happened..I don’t know why we got separated from each other..

                    

My mother would always tell me that whatever happens..it happens for our well being ..I am living my life with this thought only..

 I hope that someday U’ll prove my mother wrong...I’ll wait for U…till the sun falls from the sky..!

                                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjUaWiy_QXc

Something's Missing

Well, it sometimes ends with a common phrase- ‘we’re not meant to be lovers, let’s be friends!’

For many, this is the toughest line they could ever hear in their lifetime. And for others, this could be a great escape. My apologies, if my words tend to hurt someone (the great escapers). But, you see, there are two categories of lovers- first, the ones who are madly in love with each other and secondly, the ones who always try to catch a new partner in every few days. For the later breed, it would not be difficult to cope up with a break-up and settle with the phrase mentioned at the top. Do you agree?

But, a few genuine relationships that broke up in front of me have really provoked me to give a second thought on- can ex-lovers be friends? Well, I want to be precise and would try to conclude my article in just a few paragraphs. The following would just have my own views…and would like you to give your views once I complete the piece.

The ‘phenomenon’ of ex-lovers becoming friends cannot be genuine at all times. But, those who mean it, I salute them! To be genuine and fair in your further relationships after a break-up is something that really deserves an appreciation. For this, a person really needs to be tolerant, unpretentious and a true human. But, at the same time, you cannot say anything about human intentions. People whom you have known for years and about whom you have an impression that they cannot do anything wrong with you, can sometimes break your belief.

When it comes to intentions, I have always believed that people who come up with the proposal to be friends after a break-up, they do have some reasons! Not to misinterpret my thought- since, I’m not saying that everyone does have those intentions; however, this breed of lovers is rare! The reasons behind that proposal always cannot be seen as selfish- they can be sometimes harmless.

Let me try to access the psyche of the lovers. For a person who is genuine with his/her relationship, it is very difficult for him/her to accept the phrase- ‘Let’s be Friends!’ But, over a period of time, they might feel that the absence of his/her beloved in life is torturing him like hell, making life miserable, and as a result, they might accept the fact that- it’s good to be friends than letting her/him go away forever. But, do you think this friendship is ‘100%’ pure? My answer to this question would be a straight ‘NO’! However, there is a possibility that the relationship might become a genuine one at a certain point of time, but it takes time! In this case, there are no hard feelings!

There are others who could take this friendship as a chance to rekindle the once broken relationship. This breed of lovers is just too much accustomed to their partners and they do not want the latter to step out of their lives. They might pretend to be okay with the decision of parting ways, but at the core, they are completely frustrated. Thus, they come up with the common phrase and tend to become close once again with their fresh-out-of-the-courtship partners. These lovers always hold an intention to win their beloved back. Don’t you think this could harm the other person’s life big time?

There are of course many other breeds of ex-lovers-cum-friends, but time does not allow me to discuss each of them. As I am nearing the conclusion, let’s come to the point and my sole purpose of writing this article- to seek answer/views to the question, is it possible for ex-lovers to become good friends? Being a rigid believer, I want to question those who think it is possible that is it really easy, especially when each and everything (read sex) is tried? But then, why do I tend to forget it’s the age of ‘sex-buddies’. If people can take friends as sex buddies, why the hell my views contradict with those ‘ex-lovers can be good friends’ believers?

And if this thing takes place between two good friends…then the comfort level which they do share lessen up to an extent..and..it hurts a lot..:(

Gone Are The Days

Gone are the days when the only “hero” in our life was our dad…
Gone are the days when “hurting’ meant hurting knees and NOT heart!
Gone are the days when saying “See You” meant seeing your classmates tomorrow morning and NOT waiting for the entire life to get their one glimpse”

Don’t know why I am remembering the time spent in my school so much these days. The kind of moments I shared with some of my best buddies were truly the most innocent days of my life, in fact in everyone’s life.
May be the monotonous behavior and lifestyle and the cold shoulders even amongst so-called best mates is allowing us to remember the innocent times of the past, times which would NEVER come back ever again!




 School days- What can be said about them? To add cherry on the cake in my memories, I received a text messages on my mobile yesterday night. It said…

God TO Human: I will grant you ONE wish!
Human: Okay Give back my school days!
God: I said I will grant “WISH” not “HEAVEN”

I guess this message perfectly defines the state of mind presently I am in. The fake world around me, fake people surrounding me who display a certain personality in front and change into a different soul behind my back is something which is NOT accepted at all! But can’t help! This is life! Probably that’s why I am remembering the innocence that the good old days were filled with, an innocence which is completely outshone by today’s earthly minded and mundane world.
School life was bliss!!! And yes, writing this statement, I feel that life has truly changed!!! The memories of my school life still sprout on me … Remember those unlimited stoppages at libraries to surf different books and making notes? But now the world is just a click away, thanks to our best friend – Internet!(Though I havent been to the library even once in my school days).. And what about those never-ending evening hours which we used to get after coming back from our school, dropping the bag carelessly on the bed – hours which were spent in calling friends from their homes and playing street games? Now one hardly remembers when was the last time we actually had a long chat with one of our closest friends! Some even don’t want to remember their names!!! Why should I call him, what would he think if I text him? Is it the right time to send a message to him! Questions are endless! Now we are hesitating in talking to that buddy with whom we used to share some of the deepest secrets of our life, whispering things in his ears and giving him swears NOT to disclose it to the other mate!

This reminds me of another instance!!! See how quickly I am writing! That’s because my mind is running faster than my fingers!!! Writing letters to long distance friends and relatives was like a habit. Now this has been substituted by small text messages saying “Hi How Are You” “Hope Things Are All Well at Your End”! That’s it!
After experiencing so much change, I sometimes wonder where we are heading towards now!!! Perhaps, we are heading towards a super fast-paced life, precisely a life ahead of the Internet!

Fall in Love And Feel like Heaven

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There is a saying “There Is Nothing like First Love.” But I deny it! We fall in love many times, and each experience is unforgettable! When god has given heart to love everyone, how can man make the rule of falling in love just once!!!Such as..when I see a beautiful girl in my college(ITER is a store-house of beauties)...I wonder..”whoa..shezz beautiful”..and many questions get  to run in my mind..like..”is she single”..”kaunsa branch hai uska?”..”What is her name”..”gosh..i should enquire about her..”..and I just completely forget about my first love/crush..which my friends sometimes casually say..”Mission failed dude..what next??”…and I say..”The game was very Difficult to complete”..(only the gamers will understand this)…and I’m happy and content with that..!

Giving same amount of love to parents, siblings and relatives is justified, so why cannot we love two mates at the same time? It is true that life offers various circumstances where two people tend to part ways from each other, their paths deviate drastically, and their destinies separate too, but that does not mean that we forget them! Life moves on further, we meet different people, and our heart again tends to deviate towards that someone special again who is liked by our heart, felt by our senses and caressed by our soul. And we fall in love again! But does that mean that we forget other people? No! Heart is one such bizarre organ in our body which no matter how many times cries in a lifetime, has the trend to heal in someone’s presence again and again and again! Feelings arise again, moments are made together and here we go, you are in love… for the second time? Or may be the third! Who knows! But who cares? As long as you are happy and satiated, why think much? Thinking much will give some heavy stuff to our brain…which we students will never ever want..! ya.. its true that U will sometimes think about your first love(if not…then U are a moron)…but..just get over it..start a chat with your friend..or else start playing a game…it will surely ease your pain…as it does to me…try it once..!

Seriously, this issue is something which bothers me pretty often, so I thought why not puke out my thoughts on it! When my mother does not feels bad when I give the same love to my father or my sister or uncle… aunt…cousin… friend… then why can’t our heart generate feelings for others too? Why can’t we fall in love for the second time? And trust me, when I hear people mourning that their first love is NOT with them anymore or those silly filmy gestures that “pehla pyaar nahin mila,”.."She was my first and last".. I feel bad for them, but at the same time I feel like telling vociferously on their faces that “Dude… Chill! Life is NOT finish for you… there are other people to love too! Go and love your grandmother, tell your sister how much you love her or embrace your mom in your arms, till the time you find your SECOND true love!!!”

I know I’m saying such things…if U are reading this..then u must be thinking..what this shit-head is writing all about…coz' I had written the above blogs in the context  to my first love..and now I’m saying a totally different thing…yes..yes it happens..and it happened with me..life takes unexpected U-turns..and that’s what the  same thing happened to me…and..I’m happy with it…YES MAN..!Then only U can see how life gives something exciting to U..something which U have never expected in your best dreams ever..give it a try....”Fall in Love..and feel like Heaven..””..!

I'm Taking Back My Love

I am writing this for you. You and only you. Everyone else who is reading this is just reading it. They don't understand it, only you will. You need to know this - all of this, because if you don't know it now, you may never know and I cant live with that.

I thought I had so much more time. I thought I had years to tell you what I have been wanting to tell you so I have been putting it off for tomorrow. But it turns out that I have no time. So I have to tell you right now hoping that you would listen and listen well.

There are so many photographs that you have yet to see - photographs taken only for you. And there are so many letters that you have never read - letters meant only for you. And there are so many plans that you have not heard about, that you should have known. And my heart, my silly heart that yearns for you, you haven't even seen it all all. But you must, because right now may be the only time I get to show you.

I know I’m not perfect, and may never be. In fact there is no point in making this perfect, because perfection makes it all boring, only the pursuit of perfection makes it exciting. And you know we are exciting. So I know that I am going to continue to ruin perfectly romantic moments by saying something silly, and you will continue to make me mad by cracking a sarcastic joke at the wrong time. But the truth is, I want to get mad at you. And I want to yell at you and I want to fight with you and want you to make it up to me. No matter how frustrated I get, I don't want it to stop, because that is what makes it special in its own screwed up way. And I always want to do something silly and blame you for it. I want to give you the first spoonful of whatever it is that I am about to eat and I want to do that for the rest of time. I do. I really do.

And I want you to get mad at me so that I can tell you how adorable you look and show you how perfectly I fit into your arms even when you don't want me to. There are so many things that I want to do for you, so many things that we need to see together, like the snow and the beach.

I know it defies logic. And I know it is not simple, but here is something I never told you before: loving you is the easiest thing I have known, and that is the truth. Can't you see it, that you are just a silly girl who belongs with me and only me, because why would God ever make the wrong man love you in all the right ways? He knows it all, and He must have a plan. Please don't mess with His plan.

Everlasting Memories of a First Experience!

Your first is always special. It always holds a unique place in your heart and in your life. I am not just talking about the first guy/girl in your life…but of experiences which were a first in your life. It can be anything…be it your first crush, your first drink, your first date, your first kiss, your first love, your first job, your first day in college and many such special moments…they tend to imprint on your memories to be cherished!

Everlasting Memories of a First Experience!

These firsts are sometimes also our last. Life is a constant journey filled with bundles of joy and sorrow. We walk through various phases each day making us learn a new aspect about the world around us. Of these, some aspects and people in certain cases, become really special to us, thus securing a niche within us. These moments never cease to exist from our memory.

By now, hopefully this piece is reminding you of some definite yet fortunate incidents that have occurred in your life. So, what is the big deal about these first encounters in our life? Those awkward clashes, running and bumping into people, accidentally jarring towards a solution which you and your peers were breaking your heads on…the list simply goes on!

The process is everlasting which constantly adds that zing and excitement in our lives. In other words, it gives us an opportunity to reinvent ourselves and form new bonds and attachments with people and places. This bond cannot be replaced by any substitute. After all, these attachments are not formed to fade away with time; otherwise being human would cease to exist!

At same time, there are certain experiences which we would like to forget but cannot do so. You guessed it right! I am talking about those goof-ups which we could have avoided but bumped into them. And then we move on thinking to ourselves, “Oh crap! If I could have just avoided him/her…It would have been so much easier otherwise! This is so embarrassing!” There are other similar instances where we feel, “If I could have answered that question appropriately in the viva, may be I would have got full marks!” But then, how can we forget the biggest of all the remorse of what went wrong in the past – “Agar hum thoda aur padh lete, toh aaj hum bhi NIT ya IIT main hote!” And the regrets are endless!

Over a period of time, we realize that these are our first encounters to failure and so, even they are deeply ingrained into our soul. And then we move on again to receive our first paycheck which gives us that feeling of exhilaration which is simply unmatched. That paycheck maybe your good result, inflarious win over a debate/quiz..or it maybe your salary..Today, we might be at a place where we must be encountering the fresh minds yet what remains with us was the time as a memory when we were those fresh minds.

That feeling of anxiety, nervousness yet being excited on our first bicycle ride, the first class that we attended in school/college, the first time we voted and above all, our first crush and first love…they are hard to forget!

When it comes to first crush or first love, it surely does bring back a smile on our face. In most cases, it is either a schoolmate or a teacher whom we secretly admired. As rightly said, first love never fades away! The first date is still cherished; those gifts and love letters are safely stacked away in some corner where no one can find them.Although I don’t have such letters and gifts with me..still..i can think about the ongoings in a students life..the student’s love life… The small gestures that we did for our beloved still dwells within us! And in the process, we definitely cannot forget our first heartbreak…nothing could have been more painful than that.

And being a vicious circle, there is a first when we met our better half…it sure is a moment when we promise to spend the rest of our lives together! So, another series of firsts start in the form of our own family. Over a period of time, our life becomes a picture of memories which we look back and smile on.

Love Is Not Taken For Granted

Sigh.

I am beginning this with a sigh. A sigh because I’m exhausted and haven’t slept for hours. A sigh because I am disappointed. A sigh because life has once again taken a very unexpected turn. A sigh because sometimes I don’t know what else to say or do. Just for clarity’s sake, and I’m not going to go into details here, but I will say it involves a

broken heart

– namely mine.

Oh life, why do you kick me in the head so often? Better question, why do I let myself get kicked?

I think I can answer that one: because without love, on multiple levels, what is life about?


Love hurts. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. I feel both stronger than I have ever been and weaker than I’ve ever felt all at the same time. I feel like up is down and down is up and somewhere in the middle is a balance that I am just yearning for. For the first time in my life I’ve become an insomniac with no appetite.

But I’m alive.

We take risks. We love. We lose. We hurt. We learn. We find joy. We find sorrow.And atlast what we get??a broken heart lying deep inside our body prevailing all over our mind..all the time...!why..i am asking to the god..why??????????????

So what I have learned is that you can only meet people where they are, take them for who they are, choose to love them (or not) as they are and remember to remain true to yourself and your journey and love yourself. That’s all you can do. Nothing more, nothing less.

And you learn. And then keeping moving forward.

I think I have forgotten who I am and how strong I am. I think for so long I’ve let myself be defined by what I’m not that I’ve forgotten who I already am.

So now what? Who do I want to be? What do I want my life to look like? What is happy for me?


I want to forgive myself, love myself and move on. I want out of the basement. I want to stop feeling like I need someone else to love me to feel good. For once I want to learn to love myself; as I am now, with extra weight and a broken heart and a million other imperfections.

A friend of mine posted a wonderful quote on Facebook the other day. My favorite part was: “never regret anything that made you smile.”

I have no regrets.

I did what I did with truth and love in my heart.

So today, it’s time to move forward again. I am still a little shaky, still a little sad but confident that I am worth so much more than I’ve ever given myself credit for.

And I will survive. No, I will do more than survive, I will flourish and grow and change. Why not? Why can’t I be what I want to be? The answer is I don’t know why not – there is NO reason that I can’t do or be what I want to be.

So here’s to a new day, hopefully a good night of sleep and moving forward in so many ways.

Life really is beautiful.

Signing off..
.....!Amiya a.k.a. Amit.....!

Fact or Destiny??

Is it a fact or is it just my imagination. I met up with a friend at the INSIGHT Bookstore and before leaving for home we were browsing around. I was standing before a carefully picked out "student's choice" section when my I chanced upon two books lying around Chetan Bhagat's Five Point Someone.


One was an IIM Bangalore alumnus autobiographical novel "Everything You Desire". I had not heard the name of this one before . Harshdeep Jolly, the author, writes about his 21 months at the IIMB — his academic trials, adventurous campus life, a few love stories as literary and non-academic treats!

Well, sounds interesting, but I left that and looked at another "branded" book, this time by an IITian. Tushar Raheja's "Anything for you Ma'am". The site says:


"As a professor in IIT Delhi is busy with his love, the "Biobull"; a revolutionary bus that will run on human discharge and provide a somewhat funny yet, inexhaustible alternate fuel.....one of his students is busy with his love, a girl thankfully. Peaceful, eh? Yup and just the peaceful playground for Mr. Fate to stick his bally foot in....Tejas can’t help falling madly in love with his sister’s beautiful best friend Shreya even though she lives at the other end of the nation, in Chennai….and he would do anything for her….even jeopardize his career to travel the length of the country just to meet her".

Well! Sounds a lot like a Bollywood script. The simple flow of words makes it sound like a long blog post! I'm sure both might make an interesting read. Not very sure actually. But I promise to read if I make it to the CA ! ;) Jokes apart, both these writers have definitely used their management skills to the optimum. Following Chetan Bhagat I guess, both the books are priced at only 100 bucks! I'm sure no one would mind spending a 100 bucks to read this stuff. But then again, when you have similar blogs to read, especially if you are writing about "your journey through the IIMs/IITs", I guess the number who would buy these books would be few.

Hmm! If I will study at IIM, I guess the writing bug would bite me too! Now, what will I write. How to ruin ur career in 10 easy ways!
Now that will be a BESTEST-SELLER..!

When I'm Gone

Well life no longer inspires me... the dreary no news sorts posts the effect... Life's the usual... Dunno if i want things out of the blue or out of the rainbow...

Definitely I am not made to crack any of the entrances this time around, screwed my last terminal real bad... My board exam preparations are going like any terminal exams should be going(i never ever study for the terminals)... My pathetic performance makes me smile... The tension before the exam and the absolute lackadaisical attitude to the mess created in those three hours don't make me go "OUCH" or make me clean up in the one that follows next... The randomly generated marks of last terminals whether I've done well or not makes me at least self assured I'd be lying in a particular percentage bracket... The subjects have never inspired me... No wonder my parents noticed my dry responses on what got me to pursue engineering... Sigh... I really want some time out for myself... Read a lot... read my kinda stuff... Enjoy a good chai break without the hurry to go back to studying... Enjoy staring into the blue sky for hours on end... That reminds me of BABU CHAI up near our home... Woohoo... And as my friend tells me they give malai in the chai for free... And then you know life can be beautiful if only for that bit of a malai in the hot chai...and good company can drive the blues away...

College is slowly coming to an end... Everything cherished is going to go far to make way for new... probably material pursuits will replace them... take the intangible place but if only they'd satisfy me... If only i'd not miss the people who form part of my life now...

Sometimes going away looks like the best placebo I could have asked for... But sometimes the wish to stick up a li'l longer... To not let people go away from me this early on... Living a life without them... When they'd not be a message or a call away... When the light in the lighthouse would go out where everything that was for me to call my own will have to be given up on... Sometimes you question why wishes are granted if only you have to make it to be a beautiful dream with the worst hang over... Life will go on... dunno if it'll be as beautiful as it is now... I so want to make the most of my last 2 months...

But life will be life... unpredictable and fickle as ever... and we'd be just caught adjusting to the vicissitudes...

And...finally...i want to thank my best-est friend's elder sister for suggesting me such a nice title for this blog...thank U DIDI!!